Jeanene Reinvention Phase Two: Self-Intervention
- The Concierge Queen
- Feb 4, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Feb 6, 2023
Hey Royals! I have made it to the second phase of my reinvention...self-intervention.
This is where I check myself on the things I have allowed to slow me down in my personal and professional lives. To acknowledge them and take steps to alter my actions to ascend past them.
This is the most challenging step because you must take responsibility for your role in whatever has happened, both positive and negative, in your life. In the last phase, I had to recall the things in my past that I had buried, but in this phase is where you do the work to heal. To pinpoint your actions and reactions, the part you've played, and your attitude. Once you identify them, the intervention comes in because you must check yourself, put them in your face, and accept them.
Ok, let's take it from the top...
As a child, my family showed me a lot of love. I don't know if the fact that my mother had twelve miscarriages/stillbirths before having me had anything to do with it, but I was doted on a lot by my parents and immediate family.
My parents were in their early and mid-forties when I arrived, so there were many things I had to do alone or teach myself about the world as it was because of the generation gap. I didn't think much of it at the time because I thought that was the norm. I realized it wasn't as I grew and understood the world more. I had friends that were not being treated as lovingly as I was, and I could not understand it, but I learned a lot from their situations. I had things happen to me that I did not know how to handle as a teenager that impacted my life forever and were never dealt with. Even though I had loving, supportive parents, this was something I felt I could not tell them for several reasons. Looking back, I wish I would have as an adult and parent. But I didn't, and now I have to face it head-on and deal with it so I can start the forgiveness needed for me to move on.
I became a parent at a very young age and was blessed to have support from my family, but I was not taught how to be a multifaceted parent like I needed to be because of the children that were to come. I did what I knew, picked up tips from friends who were parents before me, and did my best. As a mother of seven, I made many mistakes, but I never gave up on myself to be the best mother I could be. My children were my world, but I still hadn't dealt with that one thing that happened to me as a teenager. I had not forgiven myself for that, so I beat myself up badly whenever I made a mistake. I blamed my inability to control the situation that happened to me then for what I couldn't or didn't know how to maintain in the present. I did all of this in silence to keep the facade that "all was well" and I was in control...not good; this is something I realized much later in my life, like very recently. Holding things in is not good because they will come out one way or another.
This one thing may have been the hardest thing I had to deal with during this reinvention period. Looking at the situation, my actions and reactions, and my attitude toward myself and others were hard. But putting it in my face showed me why many things happened in my life the way they did and how I could deal with them going forward.
That is one mirror I did not want to have to look into, but it was vital to my healing and reinvention, so I had to put on my big girl panties and face it head on.
The healing came when I opened my mouth and shared what happened to me. It was very painful, but necessary. I had to ask myself some tough questions and be honest with myself about how I felt. I had to open up to the parties affected by it and that was even harder. But I did it and now the real healing is taking place.
Relationships
Relationships are hard enough without having extra baggage from your past in the way. I had to unpack some of that baggage even though I tried to keep those bags packed and tucked away in tmy mental attic.
Amid a relationship, you usually don't see how the baggage is in the way. But when it is over, or you find a way to step outside and see from the outside, you recognize where the baggage was all up in the way and, nine times out of ten, the main factor of the dysfunction.
Once you take the time to unpack that baggage and discard the unwanted items from your past that you have been carrying around from your childhood and other relationships, you can be more effective in your current one, be it a romantic or platonic relationship.
Looking in that mirror showed me my responsibility for the failure of past relationships. Yes, another difficult reflection to see. But until I unpacked the baggage, threw away the old stuff that was of no use to me and took responsibility for my actions in the situation there would be no chance for a successful relationship with anyone. Taking responsibility is hard when it is so easy to blame someone else. But to enjoy healthy relationships you have to be honest with yourself and take accountability for the part you played. Again, true healing cannot begin until this is done.
Repetition is the mother of learning
When you don't deal with issues of your past, you are destined to repeat them. Just like repetition being a great learning tool in school, it is also very effective in life.
I have experienced this more than once, and let me tell you, it is not fun. If you don't recognize where you went wrong and adjust, you are bound to repeat it. Repeating a challenging time because you didn't learn the last time can be very difficult if you don't recognize what's happening.
I may sound like I have it all figured out, but believe me, I had to go through some of the same things more than once because I didn't get it the first, second, or even third time. I also had to learn that I was not a failure, but I just needed to learn one or two more things to move forward successfully without the chance of returning to that particular spot again.
This mirror can start off cloudy because you don't understand what is going on or why you feel doomed to repeat things over and over. But once you stop looking at the mirror or situation as a failure, you can see more clearly and learn from it. The hardest part of this is recognizing that you are going through the lesson again, remembering how you handled it the last time and adjusting. This can be humbling, but you have to look at it in an effective way and not beat yourself up about it. When you realize what's happening and why the lesson can be learned, and the healing can begin.
Check that attitude at the door...
Attitude is a vital aspect of reinvention. How can you expect to ascend with the same heavy, negative attitude? Umm, you can't. Ascension is rising from something. A negative or bad attitude is heavy. And the effects of a negative attitude can present physically. I know this firsthand. I have had two mini strokes and kidney stones more than once that the doctors told me stemmed partly from stress; and we know that there is nothing positive about stress.
What can cause stress? Numerous things, but a negative attitude towards life and the things happening can be highly stressful.
Finding ways to deal with stress is excellent, but one of the ways you can do it is to check your attitude. Check how you react to the things that are going on in your life, good or bad. Be intentional in making sure you have a good and positive attitude no matter what, and you will go through whatever is thrown at you easier with fewer scars to show from it. When I looked into this mirror I was not happy with what I saw. I pride myself on being a positive, upbeat person. But when I took a long look at myself in that mirror I was not expecting to see that I had a mask on. I was taught as a child to always keep my head up and not show my feelings. Well, that is okay, but you can't hide behind the mask behind closed doors; that's just lying to yourself, and it will show in other ways. Be honest with yourself and check your attitude towards things so that you can heal authentically and completely.
Self-intervention can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to reinvent yourself. You can use it to gauge yourself so that you will go through it successfully and not have to repeat it. It is also a great tool to keep in your arsenal for the future.
This reinvention journey is quite interesting and enlightening. I am learning so much about myself. On to the next phase and I am so honored that you are with me.
Until next time,
Peace and blessings
Jeanene Durham is the owner of The Concierge Queen, LLC. She has assisted many business owners, and individuals in creating a healthy work/life balance. e is a published author, mother, grandmother, woman empowerment leader, and serial entrepreneur.
hello@theconciergequeenllc.com
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