Self-Care: Depression...The Silent Fight

Hey Royals!

I hope all is well. I want to talk about a subject that for many years was taboo. If you mentioned to someone that you were depressed, they would more often than not say you are just sad and try to prescribe something fun to do to take your mind off of it. Well, depression is a serious mental health issue that watching a comedy on TV or grabbing some ice cream won’t cure.

As of late, mental health has been discussed more often and understood more by those that at some point may have considered it taboo as well. The education of the topic that is more readily available has made it easier for those of us that deal with the disorder to talk about without the stigmatisms attached and that makes me very happy. Depression and anxiety affects more than 16.1million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. That is over half of the national population! Depression and anxiety are real! You probably unknowingly know someone that suffers with one or both of these conditions because it is still difficult to talk about for many people.

Transparency Moment: I have never shared this with you all, or many at all, but I struggle with depression. Thankfully I have more good days than bad, but when they come, they are pretty bad. I have dealt with this for many years. I did not know how to handle the feelings I would have because growing up, depression was not something many parents talk to their children about; or was talked about period.

My parents were old school so their remedy for those days was for me to find something to do to keep busy. I didn’t know there was a name for how I would feel some days until I was well into my twenties. So, I would just find something to occupy my thoughts and ignore how I was feeling to the best of my ability; and definitely not bring it up to my parents again. It didn't work, but I didn't know what else to do. I honestly thought I was the only person that had them.

My first, clear recollection of those feelings being very heavy was when I was eighteen. I remember sitting in my apartment with my two daughters feeling utterly alone and wondering how I was actually going to take care of the beautiful, baby girls that were laying in my lap. I looked at them and just cried for probably an hour. I felt completely hopeless at that moment. I asked myself questions like, “Why was I so selfish to bring these innocent angels in the world at such a young age?”, “Why did I think I could be a good mother and I was basically a child myself?” and “How am I going to teach them anything when I am still learning this thing called life?”.

The more I thought about those negative things and looked at my daughters, the lower I became and the darker my thoughts became. I let my mind wander for quite some time while I continued to cry. I had never felt that low before. My parents’ remedy would not work for these feelings. I didn’t know what to do. I just cried.

After some time, my younger daughter woke up and I had to tend to her needs, so I suppressed those negative feelings and focused on taking care of her and her sister. I assumed the feelings were gone…until the next time they popped up.

Depression is real. It’s not just being sad or having a bad day. Those feelings can be debilitating; even fatal if not taken seriously. Coming from an era of it being taboo, I had to fight through it, so I learned to mask it with a smile, or “busy work”, and keep it moving. I didn't recognize the impact they were having on me because masking had become the norm and since I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling, why I was feeling the way I was, nor recognize the triggers, I self-medicated so to speak with masking them, suppressing them and continuing on the way I always did. Not knowing that because I hadn't handled them correctly or at all that they would continue to pop up and progress.

Also, having a large family, I frankly did not have time to entertain those thoughts and feelings when they came and because of that they were channeled through frustration and even anger. I may have snapped on my children or said something to them that was unkind or the opposite of nurturing. I didn’t know where that anger was coming from so, I would turn it on myself in the form of thoughts of inadequacy or unworthiness.

I recall one night laying in the bed after a long day thinking, “My children would probably be better off without me”; because I must be crazy or something. Yes, I had thoughts of suicide; more than once. I had almost convinced myself that their lives would be so much better with someone else because how could I be a good mother and nurture them correctly when I couldn't even figure out what was going on with me. Again, I heard my parents, “Jeanene, stop talking crazy and get it together”. So, I did. I suppressed those thoughts, got up and kept it moving.

For many years I dealt with this in my own way. I can’t say it was the right way because the feelings would come back and nearly stop me in my tracks unbeknownst to anyone.

Just in the past 10 years did I admit to having depression. I allowed myself to admit that I had feelings that I did not know how to deal with and that I needed help. I didn’t know how to ask for help so again I waited to ask anyone for fear of judgement that I later realized was not smart because no measure of assumed judgement was worth my mental health.

I have been to therapy, and learned some proper ways to deal with the depression, but I still have a ways to go. I wish I had sought out assistance much earlier, but I am happy that I have begun the process.

If you or someone you know are dealing with any level of depression, I admonish you to at least look into talking to someone. Someone that is neutral, that you don’t know because talking to a friend or family member can be embarrassing and you will not get to the root of the problem. Therapy is not showing weakness or taboo either; it is a safe, healthy way to get to the bottom of what is going on. This is only my opinion.

Mental health is a thing. It is just as important as your physical health. I want everyone to be whole. I want everyone to take self-care seriously. You are important and needed. No one can be you but you. Take care of yourself…completely. Never let anyone downgrade your feelings; it can be detrimental to you and anyone involved. If you feel you need help, get it.

I wish nothing but happiness, health, wealth, and peace to all of you.

Here is an affirmation that I say to myself on a regular basis:

“As I move forward, I welcome, and I accept consistency and balance. I AM proactive. I AM very courageous. I live in the consistent abundance and overflow spiritually, mentally, physically, financially and socially”.

Until next time,

Peace and blessings

Jeanene Durham is the owner of The Concierge Queen, LLC. She has assisted many business owners and individuals create a healthy work/life balance. She is a published author, mother, grandmother, woman empowerment leader and serial entrepreneur.

hello@theconciergequeenllc.com

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